• Managing Your Mindset

    Below you will find the most common mindset issues that all of us face. Read that again. These are all mindset issues that every single person comes up against at some point in their life. There are ways to work through and challenge each of them so that you can find yourself thinking and making decisions more effectively.


    What you might be doing: You find fault and judge others. If you get hooked by your judgments and do not challenge them, you can easily fall into the blaming mindset. You don’t want to own up to your mistakes. It means you have done something wrong. So instead, you choose to focus on others. You need to feel in control. When you don’t, you go into attack mode. you jump on attacking others or even yourself.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “It’s all my/their fault.” “I/They should have...” Why did I/they do that?” Emotions to be aware of: Anger, Judgment, Frustration


    How to reframe and overcome: Try to find a mindset of compassion and empathy. Try to see the situation from all perspectives


    What you might be doing: You compare yourself to others. Social relationships matter to humans. We compare because we feel we need to know how we are doing. We fear if we don’t measure up, we will be excluded and isolated. Here’s a huge secret, the mind cannot discern to any degree of accuracy how we are doing as compared to the general population. It’s far too complex! When we want to avoid being different, we look for exactly how we are different or not measuring up. Then our mind wants to convince us that we are different and not as good as our neighbor or friend or colleague. People either compare themselves too negatively or favorably. Therefore, our perceptions are inaccurate.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “I am worried what people will think of me.” “My performance is not at the level of others.” “I thought by this age I would have accomplished...” “Everyone else seems to know what they want.”


    Emotions to be aware of: Insecurity, Envy, Discontent


    How to reframe and overcome: Bring your focus back to who YOU want to be. Develop a mindset of appreciation and acceptance of what you DO have. Be curious and attempt to learn from others and situations. Learn to connect with others.


    What you might be doing: You get stuck in your own way of thinking. You often convince yourself that YOUR reality is the ONLY reality. You also assume that others know what you are thinking and feeling. Just because someone else has a different life experience, doesn’t mean that one is right and the other is wrong. A sense of conflict and disconnection will develop from this mindset.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “He should know...” “I can’t believe she didn’t realize...” “They obviously don’t care.” “I know they’re tired of showing me what to do.”


    Emotions to be aware of: Argumentative, defensive, self-righteous


    How to reframe and overcome: Be curious and inclusive to all views. Welcome differing opinions. Resist becoming defensive or argumentative. Don’t assume you know what others are thinking. Think of how you would talk to a friend about what you are going through. This can help you shift into a more realistic viewpoint.


    What you might be doing: You make things too complex. You love to ruminate and solve problems. Often, you will find yourself creating new problems out of nothing and for no apparent reason. This can cause us to have overactive minds and can happen due to high intelligence or a trauma history. Trauma puts our brains into overdrive by frequently trying to protect by continuously scanning for threats, that might not even truly be present.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “I feel overwhelmed.” “This is all too much.” “Life is complicated.” “I can’t make decisions.”


    Emotions to be aware of: Confusion, overwhelm, exhaustion


    How to reframe and overcome: Try to simply how you think about things. Create systems that are automated and simplify your life. Write things down and categorize them, even your thoughts. Look at the separate parts of a situation and determine what you can and can’t do. Give yourself a deadline to make decisions. Go with your intuition. Focus on what you can control. Take action when needed.


    What you might be doing: You resist authority. You obsess over the past or worry about the future and forget about the present. You fantasize and create imaginary situations. While imagination can be wonderful, we can very easily slip too far into it and avoid the here and now. This makes it almost impossible to take action and make change.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “But...” “If only...” “It shouldn’t be like this.” I can’t believe this is happening.” “I refuse to accept this.”


    Emotions to be aware of: Defiance, complaints, resentment


    How to reframe and overcome: Accept the situation as it is because it will help you deal with it easier. Once you accept it, you can decide how you need to change things. Set goals, but don’t spend all day worrying about the future. Focus on changes you can make RIGHT NOW!


    What you might be doing: You set your expectations too high. It’s great to have high standards and expect more out life. But when we use it to measure our self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence, that is where we fail. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s hurting you and making things more difficult.


    Thoughts to be aware of: “I expect more.” “He should know.” “I should be feeling.” “Why is it taking so long for....?” I should have this figured out.”


    Emotions to be aware of: Self-doubt, avoidance, procrastination


    How to reframe and overcome: Relax and let it go. If it were only that simplistic. Keep your expectations realistic. If you feel your expectations are stopping you, you might be pushing too hard. Pull back and set a smaller goal. You will still get to the bigger goal. Progress not perfection. Aim for imperfect action. It’s better than taking no action at all.

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    This website is intended for information and educational purposes only. No information presented is intended for counseling or treatment. Use of this website does not form a counseling relationship. For more information please contact me at blair@helpwithdbt.com